In our recent article, we explored how to recognise the early signs of autism in toddlers — those quiet clues that something might be different in the way your child interacts, communicates, or plays. In another recent post, we walked you through the process of getting an autism diagnosis in the UK — what to expect, how to prepare, and how to find support.
But as many parents discover, this journey isn’t always straightforward — especially if your child is a girl.
You might be thinking, “My daughter shows some signs, but they’re not as obvious.” Or perhaps a teacher has reassured you that she’s “just shy” or “very imaginative.” And yet, deep down, you know there’s something more going on.
In this article, we are shining a light on an often-overlooked reality: girls with autism are underdiagnosed, misdiagnosed, or diagnosed much later than boys. We’ll explore why that happens, what the signs in girls can look like, and how you can advocate for your daughter if you suspect autism.
Why are girls so often missed?
The short answer? Because autism tends to present differently in girls than in boys — and for a long time, the criteria for diagnosing autism were based primarily on how it shows up in boys.
Research and awareness have come a long way, but we still have work to do. Girls are more likely to:
- Be diagnosed later in childhood (or even in adulthood)
- Be misdiagnosed with anxiety, depression, or other conditions first
- Fly under the radar because they mask their traits (more on that below)
This doesn’t mean fewer girls are autistic. It often means we’re not looking closely enough, or not looking through the right lens.
What autism can look like in girls
Just like boys, girls with autism can experience challenges with communication, social interaction, sensory processing, and repetitive behaviours. But the signs can be more subtle or look different.
Here are some ways autism may show up in girls:
1. Strong imaginative play—but it’s repetitive
Your daughter may love roleplay or pretend games, but if you observe closely, the play may be scripted, repetitive, or centred around specific interests.
Example: She may play “school” every day, assigning the same roles and using the same phrases.
2. Masking or “Blending in”
Girls are often skilled at copying social behaviours from peers. This can make it seem like they’re socialising well, but it often takes a lot of effort and can be emotionally exhausting.
Example: She might force herself to make eye contact or mimic other children’s body language—but need lots of alone time after school to decompress.
3. Special interests—but more socially acceptable
While boys might be obsessed with trains or technology, girls might focus intensely on animals, celebrities, books, or fashion. These interests may not raise flags because they seem typical, but the intensity can be a clue.
Example: She might collect detailed facts about her favourite animal or character and talk about them non-stop.
4. Anxiety, perfectionism, or withdrawal
Many autistic girls internalise their struggles. Instead of acting out, they may become anxious, shy, or perfectionistic—especially in new or unpredictable situations.
Example: She may cry after school, even though the teacher says she was “quiet and well-behaved” all day.
5. Struggles with friendships
She may want to make friends but struggle with the subtleties of social rules, especially as relationships become more complex in later childhood.
Example: She may form intense one-on-one friendships but struggle when those friendships change or become part of larger groups.
The impact of delayed diagnosis
When girls go undiagnosed or are diagnosed late, the consequences can ripple through childhood and beyond. Without the right support:
- They may blame themselves for feeling “different”
- They’re more likely to experience low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression
- Their academic potential may be misunderstood
- Their behaviours may be misinterpreted as attention-seeking or emotionally sensitive
A diagnosis—even later in childhood—can be an enormous relief. It helps them (and you) understand their needs, develop self-awareness, and access the support they deserve.
How to seek help if you suspect autism in your daughter
If you’ve read this far and some of these descriptions feel familiar, trust your instincts. Here’s what to do next:
1. Start with a conversation
Speak to your GP, health visitor, or your child’s school SENCO (Special Educational Needs Coordinator). Share what you’ve observed and why you’re concerned.
2. Keep a record
Write down specific behaviours, patterns, or challenges. Try to include both what’s happening at home and at school. If she’s masking at school, your input will be especially important.
3. Ask for an autism assessment
As we explained in the previous article, this may involve a referral to a community paediatrician or CAMHS. If you feel your concerns are being dismissed, ask for a second opinion or speak to your local SEND support team.
4. Connect with other parents
There are online forums and support groups specifically for parents of autistic girls. These spaces can be incredibly validating and helpful as you navigate the journey.
A note on late diagnoses
Not all girls show clear signs in early childhood. Some may only begin to struggle socially or emotionally in the teen years. Others might not receive a diagnosis until adulthood, especially if they’ve been misdiagnosed in the past.
If you’re an adult woman reading this and recognising yourself in these words—you’re not alone. Many women are diagnosed later in life, and that knowledge can be transformative. It’s never too late to understand yourself better and seek support.
In their own words
“My daughter masked so well at school that even I started to wonder if I was imagining things. But when she got home, she’d unravel — exhausted, anxious, overwhelmed. Once she was diagnosed at age 9, everything made sense. We were finally able to get the help she needed.”
— Amira, parent of an autistic daughter
Helpful resources
Final thoughts on delayed autism diagnosis in girls
Just like in our previous articles, the heart of this message remains the same: your child is not broken, behind, or less-than. They are uniquely wired, and your attention, advocacy, and care are helping them bloom in their own beautiful way.
If you suspect your daughter may be autistic, don’t wait to speak up—especially if her struggles are hidden behind a quiet smile or good grades. The earlier you can understand her needs, the better you can support her. And whether her diagnosis comes at age 3 or 13, she’s still on her own timeline, and you’re right there with her—cheering her on.
